Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
