just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
