Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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