I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
