whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
