I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
