Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
