Kiss
Puke
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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