my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
