yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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