stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
