So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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