Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
