My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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