well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
