Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
