Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
