we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
