my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
