Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
