You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
