Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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