drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
