this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
