I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
