she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
