Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he shaved USA in his pubs
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
