My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
