i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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