For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
