and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am available for nakedness
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
