He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
