ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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