oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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