She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
