I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
