so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
