he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
