omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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