just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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