I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
