I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
