You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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