My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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