Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
