Just fell off a train. Bad.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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