My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
