i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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