he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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