I am puke
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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