i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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