I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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