okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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