I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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