I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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