I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
