I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
