I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Vodka?
Forever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
