I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The air was thick with penises
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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