Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
