I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bring me that man meat
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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