so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
