Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
