I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
only if we run a train.
done.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize