I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i out mim tonsoeep
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
