I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
