I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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