that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
