Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
