He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I touched a dick in church today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
