Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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