sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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