Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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