I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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