I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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